To WHO i Am
by denisbitten
Summary: bella's been doing things that she's not sure if she really wanted. always being in a place/moment by chance or what other call serendipity or what she calls stupidity.what will she learn and how..she will learn.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N; Please Read..**

**I don't own twilight, but loves to share.**

"Please fasten your seatbelt." A beautiful stewardess called my attention. Fuck, what am I doing? I'm so scared to death. never did I ride in a plane without my family or at least without my mom. I never left home alone except when I'm going to school. hell, my friends even fetch me whenever we're going out.

"Miss, please fatsen your seatbelt. We're taking off." Gosh! Another record in my humiliate book, I swear I'ts almost filled. I never realized that I was gaping at the stewardess untill she called for my attention for the secod time, as what I know.

I hurriedly fasten the stupid belt. Why do we have to trap ouself with that stupid thing? Can't they just ask us not to stand? As if we wouldn't follow . but I followed anyway, don't want her to think I'm mentally incapable. Gah, I'm a nursing graduate. A super fresh, just got pass the board registered nurse. Yeah, aside from my asine self, another thing to add in my boi-data is me being a nurse. Believe it. And that is why I'm here.

I never really plan to take the course. I've been wanting journalism or mass communication or anything like that. I've always been fascinated not with the gory news, but with the ability to touch lives specially the ever pressured and confused teens, and having people listen to you. I wanted to be a writer in a teen magazine or a radio jock, but that dream died long before it had a chance to live, yeah, I aborted it.

And if you may ask, what is the reason why I decided to set aside a dream-it doesn't matter what dream is that,a dream is dream- of what YOU want to be- ?. because of nursing, the only rope to get you out of the cliff and the only light in the dark, this will give you and your family a better life, as what our parents showed us. But they never forced us, specially me. It's just that my sister followed them and to show off my being a good daughter and being so confused even after being adviced by the latter, I still took it.

I was just plain young ang stupid by that time, and luckily my stupidity brought me here, in the place I've always dream to be at, where all my fantasies of living a good life will be possible, and a place where I coul meet, see, or have even just a glimpse of Robert Pattinson., LONDON!!

_**A/N **_**This is my very first story. Ever in my whole life. I thank you sooo much for reading and I will love you for life if you give yoyr comment. So, since I asked you to read my story and you followed, I may now push my luck and ask you to pleeaasseee comment. I just need 5. Thanks!!**


	2. Chapter 2

The long dreading flight was finally over and it's about 6 in the p.m when we reached the air port. I didn't get to see the outside yet but I have I big feeling that this place was so much cold than what I thought. All I see were people wearing trench coat, over coat, sweater, jacket, hood and bonnet. All so chaotic than what I expected people calling other people.

I heard some guy shouting "hey dick!" to someone and they give a each other a dude hug of way and said I missed you and then a punch. Then, a girl about seven years old squelling at the top of her lungs and running pass all the other then jump, into the waiting arms of her father. And a mother kissing the her daughter's forehead… and that's it!!

This whole thing is creeping me out, sure I said that I'm use of having my family or friends around me but I'm not easy on missing someone when their out. They might even come back and I'm not noticing it. Tears and realization starts to come to my senses. _'your not crazyhomesick yet, it's just that your alone.'_ My own mind triend to console her other side, and that did not help.

She said, 'I'm not crazyhomesick, YET'. But soon I will be. 'it's just that I'm alone' and what the heck was that supposed to mean? . my thoughts are starting to get out of controll. I have to talk to them. I have to talk to myself_' I am here now. An d there's no way I am going back home because I got home sick seeing people with their loved ones at the air port. At the freeking airport, which means I didn't even even spend a day hare let alone spand a day out. Understand?'_ yes, I undersatnad myself.

After the battle royale I had inside. I found my self walking , looking around, pushing my two laguages- I only brought two, didn't wanna get too excited, I tend to be a jinx to myself- around looking for someone supposed to fetch me up. She better fetch my ass up here.

After about 5 minutes on red alert, someone tapped my shoulder and yell "hey" to me like we've been friends for life and he had been waiting for my return. I started to get irritated because first, he is a guy and I'm a girl first time in another country and he scared the hell out of me. Second, I don't like people touching me, I don't care what kind of skin contact was that.

I faced the guy, I don't care if he has in him the accent that I've been dying to hear. Too bad I had it first from him. "what?" I asked, venomously. "whoaa, easy. I'm Mike, Sue sent me here to fetch you." "where is she?" I asked, I don't know but I don't feel comfortable being alone with this Mike guy. "she's still at work, and like I said she asked me to fetch her friend's daughter here in the airport , she said that the girl's name is Bella. Satisfied.?" _Whatever_.

He grabed my bag and because I felt like I hurt his feelings I gave it to him without questions asked, well, what more to be asked for. Then he called a cab.

The ride was quite, wel,l he tried to make small talk but small talk is all I can offer, not that it's all I want but it's all I can. I'm not really good in making friends, I most of the time will wait for people to talk to me, it's my way of giving people the chance, yeahc,hance, to run away from me if they want to or talk to me if they feel like. I don't like forcing people, let alone forcing myself to them. Or maybe I just don't wanna add more bruises to my battered ego. I know, people don't do that much bad things on me or talk like that about me. That's just me, creating a sheild long befor the war even started. Maybe it's a by product, having family, relatives and friends that are all good looking and smart ass at the same time. I remember when I was a younger, I swore to my self that whenever the time comes that the guy I like will court me, I will never let them meet him. How can I fight to someone like them? i've always had more pounds than the usual, wavy hair, not tall enough with braces fencing my teeth.

But now is a different me, in a different place without all those good looking people who never knew that they are the reason of my insecurities. I now have a chance to change all the wrong in me that is a product of all things that are wrong about me. I will make friends, I will be the one to start talking to people. I will let them enter my life and i will start right now. And I will start with this Mike guy, " Hey" "Stop!" I was confused, was he so mad at me that he didn't wanna give us a secod chance to be friends. "we're here" he said and faced me. And all I can manage was a nod, because after all the lecturing I gave to myself, I'm still not ready to put my sheild down.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩ∞∞∞∞∞ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

We entered buiding where I saw all kings of elderly people then I realized that we're in a nursing home. Well where else would we be. This might be where mom's friend Sue is working

We went ino a small of an office kind where I saw Sue seating behind a table. She's one of my mother's friend like I said, she used to be a nurse back home but decided to leave amd work here as a head of the care givers, I don't know what they call her. But she is the reason why I'm here, the reason for twenty butterflies flying freely inside my stomach and why my heart beats like what you hear in horror movies while the monster or what so ever is walking to the way of lead character. I'm so scared to death and like I said earlier, there's no way in hell I am backing up.

**A/N **

**Please review and please keeep on reading. Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Hello Bella"

Sue hugged me and I tried to hug her back, I feel sorry for her. I'm a totally awkward person.

"How are you?"

"Fine" I answered showing the best smile that I can. Because people always thought I'm snob.

"Well, I never expected it to be you to accept my offer; I thought more of your sister to be the one."

_What?_?. Well, yeah, I also didn't expect myself to accept your offer. It's just that my best friend stupidity got in the way.

"Sorry sweetie, don't get me wrong, it's just that…"

_What?_

I never expect it to be you." She finished.

I know that. I ever really reached out to other people; it's always me and the people I choose. But after what happened last year, I decided to break the circle of people I chose that protects me. Made a new start when I realized that my comfort zone isn't much comfortable anymore, it's suffocating me and not making me live but rather just exist.

But it just came after my first epiphany. That my circle of people, no matter how big they get can't always give me what I wanted. Meaning.

"So you'll be staying at my pad tonight and tomorrow, your employer will come here so we can get down the business, is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

That night I stayed in Sue's place and we had a bit of chat.

"You know, Dr. Cullen is a great guy, with a great family, especially her wife Esme." Sue started while we eat dinner.

"I met him years back, probably two or more, when he handled one of our patients. He is always calm and not bossy like the other doctors, so really think you'll like him…?"

I think it's a fact but ended up being a question when she asked me, so I nodded

"Anyways, our communication ended when the said patient died and they left to live with his mother. He only showed again last two weeks asking for someone to take care of her mother. So I gave him Stanley"

"So, someone's already with his mother?" I asked.

"Yeah. But he also wants a nurse, a professional." Shoot. So he wants well trained, probably the best.

"But I just get licensed. If he wants a very professional care, I doubt I can give that much." I'm really sweating in my seat now.

"I already told him about you. He said that he believes you know enough to pass the exam and that he is willing to help you out. All he wants is a professional who knows enough, and a heart."

Okay I have those, I am licensed and a heart. I really care about my patients. When I was a student I learned that if I really wanted to do a good job, I should stop thinking only about me self, about the violations and about looking stupid. All I have to do is give 'care' to my patients and that's it, that the job of a nurse

"I think I can give those." I said,

"I believe you do." She agreed.

And that's how we ended the night, my first day in London, the first of my many nights and days alone.


End file.
